I’ve just made myself a cup of tea. Raspberry flavored.
My office ran out of sugar and I had to borrow from my friend downstairs. I’ve always been fascinated with that word “borrow”. According to my knowledge, education and Google – of course – to borrow means: to take and use (something belonging to someone else) with the intention of returning it. How then do I intend on returning sugar I’ve already used?
Funny stuff really.
Still on borrowing. There is this idea of living on borrowed time. I am so aware of this, that sometimes I have to catch myself and re-wire my brain and shift from it. I understand that it is important to know this. That it helps us to be more present, to be more appreciative of time. I’m in no way arguing that this is not. I am however, weary of over exercising it. I find that with this constant knowledge and with it popping in at the times you feel the most alive and have a rush of life flowing through your veins!!!! you sort of leave that happy moment are reminded of how impermanent it all is. I also find that it is in those times that I remember, which turns into missing, those I have lost – permanently. I practice gratitude, on all levels. I practice it by always counting the blessings in every experience. Observing and applying the fundamentals of balance. How with every evil there’s good. And so on. So whenever the feeling of loss attempts to consume me – I say attempt because that’s all it can ever do really. It will NEVER consume me. It tried. It failed. My borrowed time doesn’t allow for such *insert fist in the air here* – I let it do its thing. I let myself be transported through the emotions associated with whatever loss it is that has come to me. I feel like I should make an example. So I will: the most recent is my friend, and that is always at the top of the list. Especially now, with all the changes happening in my life. My encounters with people. My mood swings. My euphoria. My challenges and triumphs. I always want to tell her. I want to pick up the phone and tell her “It is really happening. I can’t believe it. I am so happy. I am scared. I want it so bad. OMG OMG OMG” Yes, with all those theatrics, she got them. LOL!
How do I find the balance for this? I recall the great times. How I was afforded an opportunity to be understood on this level. How I HAD for sure, someone who accepted me just as I am. Someone who didn’t need to make up excuses for going hard for me.
I was borrowed time with her. And had to, in a sense, return her. 🙂
But for years, many years, I had Sugar in my bowl.
So, here is to not only understanding the impermanence of it all but to embracing it fully.
And to gratitude and the ability to recognize moments worthy thereof. Big or small.
And most of all, to being loved. Enough. Over and Over and Over again.
❤
inkingthinking 