Pen in my hand scratching all the words in my journal… all to try and erase you, out of my thoughts. Hoping this was all a phase. Kept awake by nightmares of memories of you. Deleting all the first times; first time i saw you, first time i spoke to you, first time i was in your arms. Trying hard to destroy this nest that you made inside my heart. Flipping by the pages trailing your existence. Ridding all that was ever you. Drained by loving you. Killing you before wanting you kills me.
Piece by piece, your existence vanishes… bit by bit, you’re fading from me. From when i couldn’t contain myself when i knew i’d be with you, to every time i was filled with complete and utter joy… All leaving my system.
Blade in my hand; cutting through my flesh. Trying to bleed as much as i can, no not to kill myself, to kill you and get rid of these thoughts i have of you. Bleeding til the last drop; i didn’t mean to die, it was an accident. I was driven by my hate for you. I loved you so much that i forgot me. I was drained by trying to not love you. I could smell you still. I could feel your touch every time i closed my eyes, i saw you wherever i went. You’re driving me crazy. I must get you out of my system. You’re under my skin. I don’t know who i am anymore. I must get rid of you. You must die. Whispers in the dark, your voice in my head, i hear you breathing over me… Every night i fall into your arms, only to wake up to the cold reality of an un-cushioned floor. I feel trapped by your presence in my soul. I din’t mean to kill me; i was just tryna free myself of you. You didn’t kill me babe. You just helped me; every time you called when i said stop, every time you told me you missed me, every time you woke all those emotions up. Yeah, they were sharper than this blade. I’m out of time, wow i can’t feel you anymore. This is really working. I am free from you and i am no more.
I didn’t mean to kill myself, i was tryna get rid of you.
inkingthinking 