I want it so bad!!

So…
I’m a really good diagnose-r, especially of the self. I have only just recently been able to apply it to others, close people of course.
But I’ve gotten very good at pointing out and actually naming what’s “wrong” with me. Remedies and cures are still in the pipeline.
Diagnosing my loved ones and helping them articulate what they are feeling and experiencing has been an interesting ride. I have found that it in turn helps harness how I deal with myself too.

I am more of practical than theoretical. I can read and be told a million things but until I experience them first hand, I won’t believe them. This is perhaps why it took me years to finally pick up a  “self help” book. Because I knew those words would be just that, words. They wouldn’t translate to messages or lessons. Here is where I’m going with this. I have read and listened to many motivational and encouraging books and podcasts and have been hooked on positivity and the REAL application of it in my life. This happened only because things started making sense.

A while ago, I learnt the art of detaching. Removing myself completely from a situation and standing firm in the belief that what is meant for me will NEVER miss me. I believe this with all my might. I have seen it work. And I have shared it with my people. They have bought into it. Now, because this shit (life) gets tricky sometimes; I am in a position where I want something really REALLY bad and I know how significantly detaching would serve me. But I want this so bad. So So SO MUCH!!! I don’t know how to sit in the passenger seat this one time and let what happens happen. I’m out here trying to find glitches and loopholes in the universe just to let me hold on to this and see it come true. Without losing myself in its uncertainty and have it consume me only to spit me out because it wasn’t meant to be.

I think I just reminded myself of it’s power in that last sentence. I’ll let it rest.
I’ll leave it out there. Even thought I know… I want it so bad!

❤

The Universal Energy Doesn’t Lie

So…

My beautiful friends always humour me and engage me on the stuff I blog about.
I always enjoy the interaction and emotions I invoke from them.
Some receive this as clear as I intend – moments I cherish!

The situationship conversation has been one of my favourites. I read and reread and feel like I didn’t write it. I couldn’t have. Me? Professional mistake maker?! HA!!!
So, whoever it is that I channel and wherever it is that I go to… is welcome. All of it. May it stay!

My love for strangers is one I will NEVER give up.
My latest regular fix has been uber drivers. They make my days **insert young thug tear here**
On my in to work this morning, I got into my usual “deep” convos and the driver (as always) was more than willing to engage. Fully.
This one in particular had me feeling like “dude are you like stalking me or something? you read my blog don’t you”

Our conversation was mostly about how one should never ever listen to nay-sayers. Especially if what they are saying no to is YOUR life and YOUR future etc. We discussed the importance of knowing what you want and going for it… because no matter how many sticky notes and wishes you can have up in your room (i’m this girl HA!) things don’t fall out of the sky anymore, Manna is history. Literally.
You have to be deliberate and put in the work. Because luck is when preparation meets opportunity… Right?

We went in!!!! And my soul was on fire and I was like yasssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It went to church real quick.

As the trip drew to a close. He said “young lady… I like the way you think. Please do me this one favour: make sure whoever you date, is on your level. Make sure they want the same things. I would hate for all this fire to be met by a stream of water that will wash it down. Burn baby burn”

I mean?!!!

Signed,
A soul on fire
❤

Stressed out

So I am 27 and will be 28 in a month.
The last exam I sat down for was way back in 2006. The course had been such a breeze that I didn’t even feel the exam.

Fast forward… it’s 2016. I sit for my first exam for the semester tomorrow. The last semester of the year. It’s my favorite module. But I am freaking the fuck out. Like majorly. For all the tests I’m about to take. Maybe it has to do with the end of the year. I am anxious and a bundle of nerves. I want to do well. This feels like exams in high school, especially finals in grade 12. I would have bad dreams and hardly slept. My dreams ranged from me pitching to the exam room in pajamas and not being allowed to write because one of  rules is that you be there in full school uniform. In the other dream, the words are floating around on the pages. MY POOR YOUNG LIFE. I survived. I am here now.

These coming exams are stressing me out just as much. If not more. I just feel like too much is happening, like life is asking too much of me. Like everything wants a piece of me, a good piece of me. I am not dealing. I am not dumb. I know I’ll do well. But I want to do very well. I am too old to be messing around. This is MY money I am spending on this degree. It is my time. I need to prove to myself and anyone I will approach for a job in this field that I am serious.
I am not crazy about a piece of paper. I am in this for the long haul, I want the education. The knowledge. The skills. And ultimately the application thereof.

I’m still freaking out. I’m still a mess. I need a pill for all the theories floating around in my head. HELP. I’ve removed everything that’s a distraction on my phone. I am praying, meditating, studying and doing everything under the sun to get me through. But yoh, kyanyeka mfethu. (I can’t translate, it’s just got to do with shit and me doing it)

Can I just wake up with a degree, an established career, my dream cars, a house and married to my love and have a little one on the way.

Signed,
Stressed the fuck out.

*side note* This post would’ve actually make a good video/ vlog!